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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Mandy's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, September 17th, 2002
10:13 am
my new job
Yeah!!! I love my new job! I work at the box office where Ed Norton's Burn this is playing. I am having fun. I love to sleep a little later in the mornings and there are always famous people there. I saw Danny Gurwin from the Full Monty on Sat and Holly Hunter. Sunday Anthony Hopkins and Ralph Fiennes were there (too bad I wasn't). Yesterday I took a phone order for Alison Ewing (Lulu in Cabaret). I am preparing to go in later today. I am tired though. I am so lazy.

I have an audition next week I have to prepare for! Eek. I mailed in a crazy letter to an agent only audition and they actually gave me a time slot! So I better be good. Gosh. And it's a show I've done before in regional theatre so i have a minute chance of getting it should I happen to be any good. We'll see.

I don't think I can go home anytime soon, but hopefully my mom and dad will be coming in Sept and Oct.

I am lazy today! Oh and i finally saw Chicago last week front row with michael c hall and amy spanger. And me and leigh were tossed flowers. Yeah.

Current Mood: lazy
Friday, August 30th, 2002
7:57 pm
The great phone crisis
This has been an interesting week. On Monday I started my new job with Broadway New York selling theatre merchandise. Well, when I first applied for this job I thought it was to sell concessions at the theatres. Then I got there and was told no it was to sell merchandise at the theatres. Then I was told at the interview it was to work in the theatre store. Ick. Well, I need another job. I am cutting back to part time at BVR like Olga asked me to. Okay. I'll do it. They work around your schedule every week? Great! That means I can make more money than I am now and save and go on auditions! YEAH!!! the perfect solution to my depression. Then I get there Monday and the job is really folding t-shirts. Oh god. Shoot me now. I don't even fold my own clothes. Why can't I be on register. I've worked retail for years! Well, it's better than BVR.

Well, Unfortunately I was pulling 9-430 at BVR and then 5-12am at Broadway New York. And Leigh was sick as a dog this past weekend. So by Wednesday I was feeling pretty lousy. I still went to work at BVR and had the thrilling job of calling the 20 some odd companies they owed money to and telling them BVR couldn't pay for a while (including the temp agency) And when I woke up on Thursday BOOM!! I was sicker than I have been since right before Christmas. And for just a cold I think this is the sickest I have ever been. So I called in to BVR and said I would come in at noon when Margarita left. Well, the temp agency calls me at 815 and says Olga said just take the whole day off. And if I need tomorrow take that too.Let's just see how I feel tomorrow. I'll probably make it in to work. So I call into BNY and Craig tells me I HAVE to come in. Well, I should've quit right there. I am really sick!!

When I go to get ready later that day for work I reach into my bag and pull out my hand only to discover exploded ink pen all over me and my bag. Ick!

I go to leave and the phone rings. It's Greer from NYCTEMPS. BVR can't afford to keep you. You're out of a job. Sorry. Wha- WHat? I guess I should've seen that one coming. But I just got a new job (that doesnt pay my bills) but allows me to audition. Now I am going to have to go back to another full time job. And I will not be able to save money. I will be lucky to scrape by this month. NOOOOO! HI square one. I'm back. I'm here to stay. I am so PISSED OFF!

So I go home after wasting my time for an hour at work (a yeoman effort, craig called it) and my soda explodes all the fuck all over me in the subway.I want to call my mom and dad and tell them about my sitty ass day. But I can't. Why? THe phone lines are dead. The storm blew them out. We'll have them back in a week. WHat? a week? But I want to call the temp agency, and my friends, and see if anybody calls me in for an audition, and try and find a new job, and talk to my boyfriend, etc...FUCK YOU VERIZON. Your company sucks my ass.

SO of course I blew up last night after that. I really moved up here too soon. I should have waited until the end of the summer. It's not fair that I busted my ass all semester to come up here and have no money and no savings. It's not fair that I've been busting my ass since I got here to make thigns better for myslef and now I'm worse off than when I started because now I have no savings. At least when I got here I had some money. It's not fair that I can't go audition for shit now because I have to make rent now. and work full time. It is going to be hard as fuck to find something half as accomodating as BVR.

BUT Tomorrow I am going to the matinee of the full monty (already bought my ticket to that when i htought i could afford it) and I am going to dinner at chevys. Because I deserve it after busting my ass all week and having the worst week ever. And I can't even call a soul to talk about it and discuss what I should do. Because I have no fucking phone. till thursday.

Interesting side note here- I was told not to come in today the company couldn't afford me. When I left there was anotehr temp sitting at the desk.
Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
12:19 pm
auditions and things
I'm at work today alphabetizing and shredding papers. I had some weird dreams the other night with josh hartnet, jimmy fallon, dan, and chris. and last night i had a weird dream about a kmart thief that i cant remember completely but there was something disturbing about it.

I went on an audition yesterday for some tours similar to theatre4 (but not in va). I read a side fromm the gift of the magi (della). It went well. They said i made good sense of the crazy stage directions. we'll see. I have like a ten percent shot in hell of getting it I'm sure. But it would give me something to do!

Ummmmmmmm. John,Leigh, and I are going to Manatus for dinner tonight and John and i are going to the Full Monty. Laura Marie Duncan is back in. Whee! But we are not in the front row. They still gave me student proce though. Row P. Not bad. It's about where I sat when I saw it with my dad. I want to try to go again, but I don't know. Money money. I wish I could say exactly why this show is so important to me. I don't know. I'm weird I guess. I obsess about things.

So I might stay here for THanksgiving. I haven't officially decided. Leigh and I are hanging this weekend. It will make us more like friends hanging out and having fun instead of roomies coexisting.

I go home next Thursday. I'm trying to have dinner with Betty Thursday. Then that night I might do karaoke with the crew. Friday my mom and I are hanging and I have an OBGYN APPT. That's exciting... Then rehearsal dinner. Sat the wedding! And Sun is Merrily with Emily and Sean. and Back home for work. Boo. I also want to have a picnic at night by the lake with Chris sometime. Even if it's icecream or taco bell or Baker's crust.

JOhn had better remember my Smashmouth CD!!! I love the full monty.....

Current Mood: sad
Monday, July 29th, 2002
12:39 pm
Home again, home again jiggity jig
I haven't written here in a while and there is no way to write about everything that has happened to me lately. No way at all. Let's just suffice it to say that I am living where I want to be with my best friend and we do what we want to do with EVERYTHING except our careers. We our unhappy with our jobs....

I went home this past weekend. That was normal except for at my house. I was a visitor. Weird. Had Taco Bell with Chris. Old Times.

THe Full Monty is closing =( I love Thoroughly MOdern Millie now and I saw Thunder last week with Chris (Doug was there.yeah!! My mom bought tickets for Merrily so I will get to see Emily's other show. AND that is Sean Mclaughlin in it that Stephen hooked me up with that one time!! Too Funny.

I have to go to the temp agency and get my paychecks because my mail is crapped. Reminder to self: get a sticker for the mailbox. If the landlords take my name down again I will be pissed because I am not getting my mail. Or it takes weeks because they send it back and resend. YOu never can tell. We get other people's mail though. It makes me feel like I don't live there. WHere's my lease??? On the otherhand, I guess I am not responsible for anything legally. Still not an adult yet. Only baby steps. Enough about that.

I am being a receptionist today because the receptionist's plane got bumped. I like this so much better than filing.

I go home again in 2 1/2 weeks. Hopefully I will have my checks by then. I can't believe Jennifer is getting married! What is she thinking? I don't know. ALice Ripley's concert is the 12.13th? I don't remember. Gotta go. John Cook will be here in less than a week. Yeah! And Stephen Seals solved my problems as usual. He is directing the one acts next February.

That's all for now. OH yeah. My phone is broken again. I need to check the wires. That's all.

Current Mood: productive
Sunday, April 14th, 2002
11:55 am
forever and ever amen
I haven't written in a million years. This could perhaps be due to the fact I am busier than I have been in my life. I've got 2 1/2 weeks of school left and then very soon I am out of here. Also I've been working at the Baker's Crust and that is really what has killed any hopes of free time before 10 pm. And sometimes I have to get up at 5 and be there at 7 am! Ick! I have so many projects to do this week to finish off the school. Eek!

The New York Showcse was fun. We karaoked (which I'd never really done before) and me and Erin Ailstock hung out on Sun and went to ground zero and bought dresses on Prince St. I saw Famke Jansen and Rod Steiger. ANd me Leigh found a good place to eat on Christopher and Bleeker and saw Last 5 years and THE FULL MONTY. which Emily was in at the time and we talked to her afterwards. She still remembers me so YEAH! And I saw a matinee of Chicago w/ ROn raines.

This past weekend Leigh was here and we saw the Sweetest THing w/ Cameron and Christina (I love Christina!)and ate many places (dessert at B.C.) and hung out with John and Stephen. We're going to go see COmpany in June w/ Alice and Emily.

I've hung out alot also with Chris Booth. I went to Olive Garden this week and saw the hottie waiter who had asked me out. What a flake. And my manager won't leave me alone atwork. You're 30. I'm 21. Let's get a life.

Current Mood: awake
Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
10:57 pm
Figured I should write something. I Haven't written in forever. I Got laid this week by NIck. And I hung out with Aaron after work on Fri. He asked me out. Whoo. HOo.And I work with him on Mon. I am excited. I hope he asked me out again. Work is great. I like my job. I have been so busy the past few weeks with work that I am glad I only have 3 shifts this week! Gives me time to catch up. Thankfully. Yes! I saw Leigh last weekend. We did our usual of singing AND we did our V-day Olive Garden thing and saw the Brittany movie which was surprisingly good.

Ummm.....What else? Our showcase has been moved to the week after which F*cks up my srping break plans. AND I can't go see Susan in Baltimore B/c the tix are 250$ a piece. Uhhh......Yeah. I might just see if i can stay the extra days in NY for that. Gotsta go.... WOrk to do. Eek!
Tuesday, January 29th, 2002
9:04 pm
It's officially over
Yeah. After a crapass day yesterday with the whole Katrinah thing and Dan and the door hitting me in the face, etc...it is finally laid to rest. Today things might not have gone exactly as planned, but I made the most out of it all and had a great day. Showcase went well tonight. My song went well. Chris was looked favorably upon and Kelly told him he was very talented. That's good if he tells you that in class.

Dan and I had a brief moment this morning where he WAITED for me to walk to take the opportunity to walk into me and go "Oh, I'm sorry, Mandy" There was a look that happened. Then he simply irritated me the rest of the day. Men. Ick.

Tomorrow I am going to see Beauty and the Beast. UUhhhhh, oh and i think the telecharge people are the ones who left a message. So I'm gonna call em back tomorrow. MOney..yeah. EInstein bagel Co is hiring. I might apply there.
Sunday, January 27th, 2002
11:00 pm
the calming place
I feel like everything has calmed down for the moment. The big impact I was preparing myself for never happened. Katrinah is officially no longer in the showcase and we talked about this Sat when she called me. She wasn't angry at me, but understandably upset with everything that happened. I know what it's like to be picked on by the department. And this leaves her 3 credits short of graduating and add/ drop week is over.
Chris and I have found some scenes we both really like. We are taking them to Kelly tomorrow so we can all look together.

I went to Have A Nice Day Cafe for the first time on Fri with Stephen and Cook and Jason and others. I had a good time. I am not really a club person, but I had fun. When you can drink it is fun. Perhaps this is the difference!

Tonight I watched the Price is Right True hollywood story. I used to be obsessed with all the models. Me and Jen used to make fun of Dian and Janice in like 5th grade! I still remember that. Wow. That makes me feel old, but I am now convinced that Bob Barker is an evil, evil man. I also watched part one of ROse Red. It was okay. Can we say House on Haunted Hill?

Now I am taping Ronin with Sean Bean. Yeah. Nothing much else. Man I am boring!
Friday, January 25th, 2002
11:29 am
Yesterday
Well, yesterday was an interesting day. We had Broadway director scott Ellis come in and talk to us. He said some very realistic, yet uplifting things. Everything is going to be just fine in New York.

So I talked to Kelly yesterday about katrinah and the first thing he asked me : Was Katrinah high in class the other day? She now unfortunately has been kicked out of the showcase, and I thankfully get to work with Chris Hauser, but it makes me feel badly that she is out. She is not too emotionally stable. But apparently the teachers have been talking about this all week. Oh Geez.

And I had an interesting Dan day today. We talked. He touched my arm. I get to go to Barnes and Noble and pick up a book he is lending me today. Awww. Nothing will happen, but whatever. It was not about the conversation today, but the intention behind the words. It was some great communicating.

And last night Betty and I hung out and talked. I hadn't talked to her in a while so we got to catch up and take my brother some dress shoes so he could get into a club.

That's it really. Graduation application is due today. Eek!Why did Mike Curtis sign off the instant I signed on? I don't think he can handle it.
Friday, January 18th, 2002
6:00 pm
quick update
Well, I had a grand time in NY. Mainly with Leigh. We saw Tick Tick Boom, Full MOnty, Cabaret and Rocky Horror all in a row. It was great. I finally got to meet a New kid (Joey Mac) and we saw Molly Ringwald in Cabaret. I am not really too into elaboration. Sarah pleaded poverty the whole trip and now is rolling in dough so she still won't get a damn job, while I can't seem to find one no matter how hard I look. Although conquest is having tons of shifts now so maybe I'll do that until some place hires me! I did enjoy seeing Sarah though. It was much the same.

Ever since I've gotten back I haven't really felt like myself. I don't know. And Dan is seeing the intellectual side of me in science. He seemed a bit surprised. He took the calculator from me and he was like, "Let me do this" And I said "Why? Because I can't work a calculator?" He gave it back to me and all of my answers were right!Because the teacher came around and checked. He said I was excellent. He's also been complementing my new hair color alot! And he's been standing next to me in sword class. Where I am also doing pretty good for right now. I went to Barnes and Noble today and he was there. I didn't say hi to him or anything, and he didn't say anything to me (cause he was at the counter on the phone) but he saw me. I was wearing my new glasses today and I looked cute. he was wearing his too. Awww! Well, I guess really that's it. I will just obsess over him even though I don't have feelings for him anymore. I just need someone to obsess over. Speaking of that, why is Nick Online and not Imming me? Hello!
Monday, December 24th, 2001
2:44 pm
Xmas Weekend
Yeah! I saw Leigh this weekend. She had her Xmas Friday night and her mother gave her a karaoke machine! And her Charlotte Church CD. My mom had gotten this blue fuzzy coat. Her mom actually had made a little stocking for me which had my favorite (Dove Chocolate)AND Leigh gave me the Elegies for angels punks and raging Queens. We listened to Alice and Emily's songs and of course Bobby and Doug's. I really like Doug's song. On Saturday Leigh and I sang with the karaoke microphone and recorded only half of our tape for like 3 hours! The machine started picking up CB radio or something. It was weird! Then we took loads of pics on the webcam. Kissing ones and scared ones and Xmas ones and Lingerie ones. It was fun. Then we drove and listened to our tape. Which was good despite me being convinced I sounded like ass earlier. And we had coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Then I actually finished reading this book I've been reading for forever.

On Sunday we finished our tape and drove around to Barnes and Noble and then I went to my aunt's Xmas party last night. I got to see Baby Natalie for the first time and she's almost 3 months. And my 2nd cousin Sue was there with her daughters all grown up. Allison is a ballerina who wants to move to NY. We have alot in common from the brief conversation we had. See, this works because she can visit NY and stay with me and Leigh and then me and Leigh can go to Tampa, Florida and stay with her! Yeah. What else...Hmmmm......My head and stomach hurt today. Blech. I honestly thought I was going to throw up again last night. I fell asleep at 1130 which is a miracle for me, but then I woke up at 1230 and it was like I had just taken a nap and couldn't go back to sleep till around 230. I tried. My clock is all messed up. At least I fell asleep at Leigh's before 3.

On Thursday I went on a picnic with Erin and we talked alot about school and life after school. I've decided I'd rather work with Chris Hauser on the showcase. Shame on me. I got my journal back and got an A and a B in Kelly's class, which is what I gave myself. He said he agreed with my self evaluation. And I took the Cherry Docs poster with Dan and Jake on the front. I don't know why. I have decided I don't really care that much for Jason anymore. I lost interest. Surprise. He really is so not my type. Although we probably will exchange Xmas gifts. I don't know. Eww. Stop writing about that. Is there anyone out there for me???

I can't believe that Thursday I leave to go see Sarah and Leigh in NY!!! Augh!! I am excited. Especially since I haven't seen Sarah in over a year. I just hope the dynamic isn't weird. And I will also get me time too since people will be at work on some of those days and I can do whatever. SO that's cool. I wish I had more money to do everything I want to do. I really want to see Rocky and the Full Monty and Tick tick..boom and The Producers. The only thing that is for sure is Kiki and Herb. Good. And possibly ushering for Cabaret with Molly. Cool. I just want to see anything and everything. I'm pathetic. I'm such a Broadway freak. Last summer spoiled me when I was there.

Current Mood: good
Tuesday, December 18th, 2001
11:01 pm
Nothing
Nothing going on here. It STILL doesn't feel like XMAS as far as I'm concerned. I don't know why. Maybe that's because I've come to associate Xmas with NY. Or maybe because it feels a certain way when you're little and as you grow up it just fades more and more away until you have kids of your own. I don't know. At least it's finally cold. Kinda. Other than that, I have been sick this week. Like the flu. Like puking sick. I watched 3 hours of Buffy tonight. I think Spike is so hot. I would totally do him. Spike. Not the actor. Because he's not really British in real life. Leigh can do Tara and I can do Spike. We should have a Buffy role playing party!!LOL. Oh my God I'm on crack. I got that out of the episode they showed tonight on FX where Spike made Harmony pretend to be Buffy. That was funny. And speaking of Harmony what is up with Passions. I'm kinda tired of it again. Theresa just get an abortion or tell. The Sheridan, Luis, Antonio thing is getting interesting though. That's what I get for watching too much tv. Although I did watch a feel good movie last night. It was Finding Forrester!! It was on HBO. I saw the set we were on and Anna Paquin who I didn't think was bad at all. And I thought the movie was good, despite what Sarah said. But she's never seen it. I think she just said it sucked because she had to be a stand in. Anna Paquin did not suck though. In that movie.

Nick called me again tonight. I think I shall go call him, but I don't think I will get to see him anytime soon. I'm not up for it. Ummm, I am havinga picnic with Erin Ailstock on Thursday. ANDDDDD I think I will go finish my tape project I have started like my Xmas tape. Eww I feel like puking again. I think it was the chili I had for dinner. And the piece of fudge I had. Gulp!
Friday, December 7th, 2001
11:31 am
Xmas time is here!!!
Well, to just finish the Dan story we made out in the hall. He played with my tits. We thought it was funny afterwards and unrealistic and we both had expected something to happen between us at some point! Strange! BUT now we are no longer scene partners BECAUSE I have been placed in the showcase! So Katrinah is now my partner and Dan will do a monologue. My second chance here at NY. AND the school is paying for our whole trip (the train, the hotel, our food). Mandy's gonna be eating out a lot! Ummm...what else...Oh yeah. SCHOOL IS OVER! I have an exam next Fri and an easy ass paper due on WED. that's it. I am so finished. I am going to the mall with my mom today and out for lunch.

Last night I did Lindy's staged reading scene that Chris directed. I twas so much fun. I almost went down once on those roller skates. (I was the main girl). Well, TVA is going to prodice her scene at the beginning of JAN and she has asked me to be in it! Yeah. She said it counts as writing TVA on your resume. And she has asked me to do some staged readings at TVA in January- $50 a pop. Sweet! That is so awesome. And it counts as having a professional staged reading on your resume. Whee!!!And it's money, even if I ony get to do one. Yeah!!!And Lindy bought us drinks last night at the lighthouse for doing her scene as well as Jake for doing Cherry Docs (Dan's rents were in town so he didn't come). But Jake sat across from me and we talked the whole evening like nice people. And Chris Hauser, too. It sucks to get to be friends with people right at the end of when you're going to be in school!

I talked to Christian, Leigh. He said he would help us with no broker's fee and he has invited us to his birthday party over break. His birthday is Jan 5. Not sure when the party is. Yeah, for you coming home! I will be so spoiled! I'll be seeing you everyday for about 3 weeks!
Tuesday, November 27th, 2001
2:40 pm
bad me
Well, I had a decent Thanksgiving at my uncle's house (where I haven't been since 6th grade!) and a fabulous weekend with Leigh. It started out rocky with my damn money situation, but got better when I saw Leigh. We went to Harry Potter, dinner with Stephen, lunch with Chris Daily (Finally got to meet him), saw some of her friends from High School (Anna, Chris, and Lincoln) and sang all day to make the best tape ever!!

Sunday I met with Dan after our Commedia project to pick our scene. The second he walked in to Commedia rehearsal he started giving me looks. THen after we went upstairs to the green room. I started to sit on one sofa nd he sat on other. "Are you sitting all the way over there?" he asked. "No I thought you were sitting over here. Sorry." So I moved next to him and we were normal picking out scenes. At least I felt normal as in nothing was going on. He really liked the scene from ANgels in America. But we were looking through his book of one acts just in case. Well we had to share. And the way he was laying/sitting I had to lay down on my arm to see it. I wasn't laying on him. I wasn't even touching him at all when all of a sudden his hand brushed my boob. (Like the last time when we talked) He apologized. Then he did it again and he freaked out and was all apologetic about touching my boob. Then he said he was distracted by my breasts. Then I teased him about his reaction with our running gag in Commedia that I had said, "I love you like I love my breasts." Then he said "That was the best work you did all night, Mandy." ANd I started laughing. "That is the dumbest thing you've said to me all night." And it was. It totally broke the ice. So he started reminiscing about his brithday when I flashed him. THen silence and the damn fucking look passed between us. He kept talking about how distracted he was and how sorry he was for brushing me. "Dan, come off it. It's not like you've never seen or touched them before. It's not that big of a deal." Then I proceded to tell him about naked poker over at Jason's who I referred to twice as my boyfriend. Then Chris Yule called him and Dan was sitting up on his knees and grabbed my shirt and pulled it up so he couldn't see down my shirt. I held it there. When he got off the phone I said "Okay. I am just going to hold it here since you seem to be so distracted. Is that better?" "No," he said "because it accentuates them." I let my shirt go back to normal and reaches out and just grabs my boob. He holds his hand there. "Feel better?" I ask. "No," he says. THen he puts his hand down my shirt in my bra and says, "Now I feel better." OH MY GOD! WOw. I could scarcely believe it. "Great then let's work," I say. Then he says, "Oh my god. I want you so badly. I am so sorry." and he hugs me. I smell his cologne. "Oh my god you smell so good. Don't hug me. Don't." I pull away. We look at each other. Tension. So I start talking about the different scenes we're looking at and he sticks his hand down my shirt again. I look down. He brushes the hair in my face behind my ear. "I was just getting ready to do that," I say. "I know, " he says. We just stare at each other. His hand is still on my neck. Then guided by his hand we sort of lunged for each others face. I NEEDED to kiss him at that moment..........I will finish later.

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, November 21st, 2001
12:04 pm
It's been awhile
So let me sum things up....
1. Did not make SETC, but I found out only 3 people in my class did and the other 10 who are actually good (like Chris and Jake) did NOT make it either. That is insane!
2. Stephen's surprise party on Sat night got a little crazy. We were all naked! And kissing! Me and Kasey especially which Stephen deems "Prelude to lesbian sex" and he and JOhn thought it was cool. Jason found it not so amusing and went upstairs. We got in a disagreement (It wasnt really an arguement)Things are okay now. I'm starting to really like him but I have a great propensity for F*cking things up. I don't want things to work out. I'm moving soon. SO
3. I called Nick last week, but he was busy so maybe next week.....and that would make me feel normal again. But it would mess everything up. I am just a wee bit confused at the moment.
4. Guess who is my scene partner by fate? Dan. Oh God. It bothers me because I told Erin Ailstock this is what would happen. We would be partners again somehow and things would get started again. I told her that he would a girlfriend though. I didn't think it would be the other way around. And I literally want to go throw up now that I mentioned something about me and relationships with anyone other than Dan. I'm comfortable with Dan. Even though I don't really care for him anymore the physical part was so amazing that I would want it again. I just don't have the scared feeling that I have with Jason. And I think Dan is starting nto realize I really am over him. I caught him staring at me alot this week. I never stared back. I never looke dat him to try and catch his attention. It was more of me feeling someone looking at me and it was Dan. And I noticed. Weird. And I think he knows I have a kind of bf cause his friends know. One person knows everyone knows. I think Smashmouths new CD is out. Yeah.
Saturday, November 10th, 2001
12:08 pm
Dan the man: Canned
I suppose that would be the most exciting thing that has happened to me in days. On a day where I looked hot I decided I was emotionally stable enough to speak to Dan. This was also on a day where our flirting was becoming a bit out of control (Eek!)So we were sitting in the student lounge (Jen, Tiff, Dan and me) and when Jen started telling Tiff what her ideal monologue should be, I decided to just fuck it and go talk to Dan. So I did. I apologized for being a superbitch and we laughed about it. Then we mentioned what happened last year and how it was fun and how we didn't regret it. Which made me feel better. I think maybe what hurt me was the fact that he acted like it never happened. That hurts. Nobody wants to be forgotten about. Then his hand accidently brushed my boob. THen he picked a leaf off my shirt (we were outside earlier). Then our legs started pressing into each other and our hands were touching. And we were flrting. I told him that is why I chose to speak to him in a room full of people. It totally proved to me that YES something else could happen if given the chance. Which also made me feel better. Then Kasey came in and hugged me and talked about me going out with Jason for the evening right in front of Dan. He he he. I didn't even have to do anything!But the best part is that I'm back to feeling like "Oh look there's Dan" just like at the beginning of the school year. I think the reason I have been going crazy these past few months is because I needed some acknowledgement from him that it actually happened. We shared alot. He even said that. "We share alot. We have a comppicated history. A fun one. But complicated." And he showed some sympathy for me that I had liked him and had gotten my feelings hurt. But on the way home it wasn't the crying or anythign I usually do. It was just finally over.

So Jason, Kasey, John, and Stephen and I went to Ruby Tuesdays and then (minus Stephen) we went and saw Hedwig again. Everyone enjoyed it. It was great crowd and he was certainly much better. "YOu get to be here the night Hedwig went blind on stage!" Then Jason and I went back to his place and made out for like 2 anda half hours. To Dave Matthews. Damn I have made out with so many people to that. Mike, Wes, Jake....Geez. But all Jason and I did pretty much was kiss. I don't think I can bring myself to do anythnig else with him. I am so not sure what I want. I really want to go sleep with Nick this week and I'm excited that is going to happen. But I like Jason. But I don't want a relationship with him and from a casual observer this probably is starting to look like a relationship. He is really not my type anyway you know?

Last night I hung out with Cook. My good deed for the week. We saw Monsters Inc which I really wasnt to pumped for. I didn't care to see it. It was SO FUNNY though. And cute! I really liked it. It is along the same lines of Toy Story (with the animation and everything) But it was way better. I would go see it again. And John Goodman was the voice of Sully and he was great. Tonight is the party at Jasona nd Eric's. It makes me feel funny to even think of going over there wiht Jason all Couply and stuff. I don't want a relationship and I know I am just going to wind up hurting his feelings cause I feel like I am getting sucked into one.

Current Mood: nervous
Wednesday, November 7th, 2001
12:00 pm
Gotta go to work tonight! Ick! Tomorrow I am going to see Hedwig with Jason and John W and Stephen and Eric and some other people I think. (Jason is paying for me) He offered.Like I'm gong to pass up Hedwig. I am missing Survivor for this! Yeah. Okay School. Another Ick! Why do I have to be in school. It is not fun. Thanksgiving where are you? Less than a month until the last day of classes!
Tuesday, November 6th, 2001
8:36 pm
Watching Buffy with a song in my heart....
I'm actually home to watch the Buffy musical. I was supposed to work, but because of the election my shift was cancelled. Buffy's little sis can not sing. Sheesh! I told Dan today that we should talk. He said okay. I think I feel comfortable enough emotionally to speak to him now. Nick wants to get together next week and Jason and I are hanging out. I kind of like him. Surprise. Who would have thought. Today in Kelly's class everyone discussed their fears and or problems. My problem is that I make too many excuses. Jake broke down because of his financial situation and is questioning whether this is really making him happy. Dan said his problem was indecision.

I had a great audition at VTA but I don't know if i get to go to SETC yet. I had wonderful feedback though. I will really be upset if I don't get a spot because I KNOW that was a fantastic audition. Espeically after getting to watch everyone else in the room with me.

The show is OVER. How do I feel? I'm okay right now. Bobby Daye bought our dinner on Sat and made me cry. Raquis is coming down next week to see R&J. Tarik and Kim were sleeping together and he decided to tell me at Kim's party how he really wished he could have slept with me. And Kim got upset that he was talking to me. Whatever. So I didn't speak to him on Fri which upset him. But things were okay by Sat because we talked. Dustin said on stage, "Well, Bubblin brown sugar, bumpy Jackson how are you?" on stage and made us all die laughing. I probably will have more interesting things to say later. Hmmmmmmmm......

Current Mood: good
Tuesday, October 30th, 2001
8:19 am
Before class
Well, This past weekend was a fabulous one and it will depress me the rest of the week that my life sucks......well i guess thats next week when the show is over, but oh well. Leigh and I had our show and tell and went to Vitos the Lighthouse and stayed at my dads cause there were morebeds and he was out of town. We watched skinemax, but I fell asleep. I was tired. We talked alot about our future life which I can hardly wait. she's flying in for thanksgiving.

I sat on Raquis's lap and he said I could feel your vagina bones. Yeah, okay. Sunday I saw Hedwig which was really good. If you closed your eyes it was almost like being at the NY one, except I didn't like Yitzak but Hedwig was really great.

Tariq and I had a moment in his dressing room. I could have just kissed him, but he smelled like alcohol and it wasnt a good idea anyway so I didn't.

Class went to Maymont yesterday for our scenes. Briah learn your lines! Dan what who? Huh? Yeah cause NOTHING happened there.

I went and saw From Hell with Jason last night. A kind of date. Hmmmmm. I like him, but he could never be my boyfriend. 2 people who like each other and no complication? I can't do that. Where's the drama? And I thought from hell was not that great. Here's a good tip. Don't go see it when you're tired. It's long and boring. I don't think I would even watch it on HBO for free again!
Friday, October 26th, 2001
12:22 pm
things that happen
I don't feel like writing in great detail. I will just suffice it to say that last weekend I went to Jason and Eric's AGAIN! I slept with Mike on Sat. Tarik had a party at the raw bar on Sun where we got trashed and Cheryl acted crazy! I hurt Dan's feelings on Wed by screaming very nastily, "Could you be anymore in our conversation? We're not talking to you!" Then I had planned an elaborate apology yesterday which amounted to "I'm sorry" on my way out the door yesterday since he was late for class and him "trying to remember" what it was I could possibly be sorry for! Last night we went to chuggers after the show. It was so much fun. Kim is having a halloween party at her apt on wed! Yeah! And Tarik, Vanessa, Tuluv, and Raquis all sang karaoke. And the cast of Hedwig was there so I got to hear Hedwig and Dan (director Dan) sing a duet. He was very Hedwig like during the song. It was funny. Then we all sat by the bar licking each other and being ridiculous. Raquis just bent down and kissed y chest cause it was there. And he is gay!! It was so much fun. It's the way my life SHOULD BE! and LEIGH is here tonight!
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